If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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