Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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