i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
