Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
