FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she looked like the before picture.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
