There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
