Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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