Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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