I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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