She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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