Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
