i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were destined to go to rehab together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
