there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize