I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My dick has a subreddit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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