i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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