i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
