i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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