i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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