so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
