just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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