so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
