It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
