Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
