Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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