What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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