My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The best revenge is premature balding
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
