I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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