This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
