I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
