How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
