great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
