Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
