he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
