this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
