It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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