dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
