so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
