It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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