my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
