This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize