god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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