I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
