Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
