O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
