Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
