Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
