dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
