.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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