my mouth tastes like poor choices
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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