my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
BRING THE BAGELS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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