Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
one two three fourrrrnication!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
