i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
