You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
