i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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