You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Come share oat with me in your robe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
