I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
