Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
