Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
