Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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