You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
