i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
